Star Wars fans, it it time. Time we lift the veil of uncertainty, and declare, once and for all, the best character from that galaxy far, far away. I’m talking prequels, sequels, holiday specials… The one, true, reigning greatest character.
Before we get to that, though, we need to discuss why some other characters AREN’T. That’s not to say they’re all bad, of course (some of them are. We’ll get there), but it’s important to have some perspective when I declare the true heir apparent to the title.
So, as we build to number one, here is a smattering list of other, lesser characters with their TOTALLY ACCURATE AND NOT AT ALL HYPERBOLIC ranking (out of the some-odd 21,000+ total), with some notes on why they didn’t take Gold Leader.
Then, and only then, will I reveal the Greatest. Star. Wars. Character. Ever. Period.
Han Solo
Sure, he’s got charisma and connections to the Outer Rim planets, but how essential is a scruffy smuggler to the Star Wars universe?
Well, as it turns out, pretty dang essential.
If we’re looking at importance in terms of influence, ol’ Han’s got quite a bit going for (and against) him. There’s his deus-ex- yahooina at the Battle of Yavin, his early, his accidental work aiding a young Rebellion (a la self-titled-movie fame), his progeny kick-starting more evil-superpowered-people in the universe…
Influence, good and bad, is influence, and virtuous or not, be sure to pour one out to the man with a vest and a blaster.
Current Star Wars Ranking: #187
GNK “Gonk” Power Droid
Who knew what is essentially a battery with legs could be endearing? We see a lot of Gonks wandering the Star Wars universe, but by comparative standards, they just, kinda… exist. They’re cute and all, but considering they’re a barely-mobile power bank, not super important.
Current Star Wars Ranking: #20,969
TK-421
My dude. You have an UNIDENTIFIED VESSEL in your landing bay on your TOP-SECRET BASE, and you just WANDER up the access ramp when a voice (that you do NOT recognize) calls for a hand???
I think you’re bad at your job.
Current Star Wars Ranking: #18,421
Mon Mothma
“War is not a state of being. It is meant to be a temporary chaos between periods of peace. Some want it to be the course of things: a default fact of existence. But I will not let that be so.”
Okay, y’all, I’m gonna be honest: Mon Mothma’s one of the coolest characters no one talks about in the Star Wars universe. She’s intelligent, diplomatic, and steadfast in her support of a free galaxy. She sees potential where others don’t (like with Jyn Erso in Rogue One), and is far too busy with saving the galaxy to worry about trivial things like… well. Everything else. Also, she, on several occasions, leads the free galaxy.
Current Star Wars Ranking: #8
Obi-Wan “Ben” Kenobi
Well hello there.
Credit where credit’s due, Old Ben is an excellent Jedi and has one of the largest arcs in the Star Wars franchise. He trains Luke (for, like, a hot second), was himself trained under Liam Neeson (which is the proper way to pronounce Quigon), and has, on two occasions, bested the best swordsman in the universe (second-best, I guess).
Still, he Force-ghosted the apparent savior of the Galaxy pretty dang quick, just because some shiny desert-orphan said some semi-aggressive things on a big-ol’ space sphere.
Current Star Wars Ranking: #42
Hondo Onaka
If you’ve only watched the major motion pictures, you may not be too familiar with Hondo, but he plays a substantial role in the larger space-pirate community (they meet on Tuesdays). Shrewd, clever, and more than a little confident, Hondo is Han Solo with three times the brain cells and half the ethics.
Also, he has a sweet hat, and cares about animals (adopt, don’t shop).
Current Star Wars Ranking: #1,298
Luke Skywalker
Okay, sure.
He kinda saves the Galaxy.
But Luke is very much a whiny kid from the sticks for most of his time on screen. And, for being so highly midi-chlorinated, he’s…
…don’t get too mad…
Kinda dumb?
He gets handed something identified as a powerful weapon, and IMMEDIATELY LOOKS DOWN THE BUSINESS END OF IT HEAD-ON. Like, sure, he’s inexperienced, but he knows what a blaster is. He has the principles of “open end make things dead.”
And then there’s the whole training thing. You have the wisest, most powerful creature you’ve ever met telling you it’s not the grooviest idea to go chasing after waterfalls, and before you can say “Frank Oz is a genius” he’s gone.
Still, the whole Force Projection Showdown on Crait was sick as heck.
Current Star Wars Ranking: #175
FN-2187 (Finn)
I respect Finn as a character, simply because of the strength of will it would take to reject everything you’ve ever known about the world for what is right.
But, he totally got owned by Rose with a taser.
Current Star Wars Ranking: #2,187
Rose Tico
Totally owned Finn with a taser.
Current Star Wars Ranking: #2,186
The Millenium Falcon
Yes. The Millenium Falcon is a character.
It has been in and out of the lives of so many important in-universe people and influenced so many moments in the Star Wars universe. It is spoken about in hushed reverent tones and is so universally hated by the bad guys that just by arriving at the Battle of Crait, every ship diverts to go after it.
Talk about making friends and influencing Palpatines…
Also, as of Ep. 8, it is the SOLE VESSEL OF JEDI KNOWLEDGE IN THE UNIVERSE.
I don’t even mind the nose job.
Current Star Wars Ranking: #156
Thala-Siren
I think we all remember the moment we first asked our parents where green milk comes from. Also, WHY THE EYE CONTACT, J.J.*? WAS THAT NECESSARY? WAS IT? WAS IT REALLY?
*edit: I have been reminded that it was, in fact, Mr. Johnson‘s directorial work. I don’t care. Big Producer Pants J.J. knows he had ample opportunity to veto. I also blame the esteemed Madam Kennedy (long may her praises be sung otherwise).
Current Star Wars Ranking: #20,437
Ackmena, the Bartender
Yup. The Holiday Special. Deep down, you knew it would come up.
Bea Arthur’s infamous character may be part of one of the most critically-panned moments of the Star Wars franchise, but let’s look a little critically- Ackmena is a strong, independent space-woman, running one of the toughest joints, in one of the toughest towns, on one of the toughest planets in the Galaxy.
And she gets what she wants from patrons with showtunes.
Current Star Wars Ranking: #11,237
Lando Calrissian
Okay, let’s break it down:
-Industrious
-Community-centric
-Equal-opportunity romancer
-Bases moral decisions on the greater good, but still rectifies mistakes
-Witty
-Dazzling smile
-Has thus far been played by two of the coolest dudes in Hollywood
-Fashion-forward
-Charming to the point of it being an unfair business advantage
-Honors his bets
-Has the HANDS-DOWN COOLEST NAME IN THE GALAXY
-His smile again
Current Star Wars Ranking: #365
Boba Fett
Current Star Wars Ranking: #Last
Jar Jar Binks
Now, I’m gonna play Gungan’s advocate here. Jar Jar is, dare I say it, a little on the goofy side, and definitely more slapstick than superman, but he really did a lot with his life. Remember, our first introduction to Mr. Binks is as a banished outcast. After which, with a little luck (or maybe more than that, if you believe the internet theories that Jar Jar is Force-sensitive) he manages to get re-accepted among his people, becomes a war hero, and rises to a powerfully influential political figure.
And yes, his speech to the Galactic Senate is ultimately what leads to its downfall, but he had to have had a track record of excellence up to that point to have such chashe, right?
Also, remember that he serves an important purpose: perspective. It’s kinda like putting a normal person in an Olympic event, just to see how actually amazing the real athletes are by comparison. Jar Jar exists and holds his own among wizards, royalty, and all manner of authority.
Admit it. Jar Jar Binks is kinda cool.
Current Star Wars Ranking: #773
Bidlo Kwerve
Oh, you don’t know Bidlo? He was in Return of the Jedi?
You remember. That one guy who had that entire career off-screen as a henchman for Jabba the Hutt. He wanted to be Jabba’s #1, but lost to that one dude with the wrappy-tube-head thing going on. He got eaten by Jabba’s rancor, also off-screen.
You may better recognize him as the skull Luke Skywalker throws to push a button.
Star Wars, man. Everyone has a story.
Current Star Wars Rating: #20,436
Emperor Palpatine
Now is the time we discuss, “best” not actually meaning, “good” or, “morally upstanding.” Still, the Big Bad is a head-scratcher for this ranking.
On the negative, his voice borders on silly at points, and his, “No, no, you will die” moment is arguably the worst in the films (even counting Anakin’s Sand Soliloquy).
But he is also an actually terrifying villain. Manipulative, powerful, cloaked in mystery… and second only to attempting to get the remote with Force powers, we all pantomimed the lightning thing.
Still, we’ve got a lot of wiggle room with Ep. 9 coming out soon, and his (apparent) return. Will this further the awesome power of the Dark Side, or will it be the demise of an otherwise great character?
Current Star Wars Ranking: #???
Chirrut Imwe
Chirrut is an important character, and because of a few shared traits, was actually in consideration for #1. He is mind-blowingly skilled, and it’s all thanks to one thing: practice. He’s not Force-sensitive (at least, not in the same way Jedi or Sith are), and yet is immeasurably dedicated to the ideals of what the Force represents. Also, totally blind, and occasionally super funny. You may be surprised by his high ranking, but let this temper you for the true leader. Best is not most powerful, most good, or even most influential. Best is abstract, but has arguable reasons for placement.
He is One with the Force, and the Force is with Him.
Current Star Wars Ranking: #17
And now (Ewok-drumroll on a Stormtrooper helmet, please…), the top three best characters in all of Star Wars:
R2-D2
I’ll say this, Artoo takes first in non-organic sentient life form. They do more for the Rebellion, more for the “good guys” than pretty much anyone or anything else. They are a swiss-army astromech, and always full of surprises.
Here’s just a few of the things our favorite droid has gotten up to:
-Walked & rolled across one of the most inhospitable deserts on instinct and gumption
-Hacked the most powerful military organization around on several occasions
-flew
-GPS
-repaired just about everything in-flight
-Saved innumerable Star Tours ships (a little nod to our Disney Parks fans out there)
-wielded a lightsaber (kinda)
-served drinks
-Totally flirted with Leia
All of this, without ever actually saying more than some beeps and boops.
Current Star Wars Ranking: #3
General Leia Organa, Last Princess of Alderaan, Leader of the Rebellion
All hail the General.
Leia did more than just about anyone for the freedom of the Galaxy. More than her ex-husband, more than her “chosen” twin brother, more than her mother. She is the role model we need, both in-fiction and out. In our first moments of meeting her, she looked in to the helmeted-eyes of pure evil, and chose to respond with a sassy, bald-faced lie. She is grace with a blaster, and wears white to a dirty war, just so you know who you’re dealing with.
If there was an archetype of the Rebellion, she’s it.
Current Star Wars Ranking: #2
Now, before we get to discussing the number one best Star Wars character, I think it’s important you understand the scientific, well-researched process I went through to reach this conclusion:
- I decided
- That’s literally it
All that’s to say, I’m right (of course), but I’d love to hear your top picks as well! Be sure to comment them on this article, and I’d be happy to inform you as to why you’re wrong.
The #1, best Star Wars character is…
Jek Porkins
Yup. You read that right. Red 6. The x-wing pilot who blew up pretty early in the Battle of Yavin. Why is he the best? Thank you, I’m so glad I asked.
We know very little about Porkins. In the expanded lore, much of which isn’t officially canonical any longer, we get a slightly larger picture. Even then, it’s not much. Officially, he is a former trader, who left his planet when the Empire took over, joined the Rebellion, got a call sign, and promptly blew up.
And that’s exactly why he’s the best.
Porkins is the embodiment of good in the Star Wars universe. He is an absolute nobody, with no innate magic powers or situational benefit. He wasn’t skilled or trained for warfare in any way. Also, he is a good, good husky boy.
By his profession, he really didn’t have much to worry about. As a trader, the Empire’s takeover would’ve probably been good for him, business-wise. Sure, there’d be more regulation, and probably taxes on his profits, but the same would be true of everyone else. Business did very well under Empire law, to the best of our knowledge.
But it was still wrong, so he left. He left everything.
He left his life behind and threw himself in an x-wing.
Really think about that for a second. Where Luke had destiny, Han had years of skill, and Leia had royal upbringing, Porkins only had a doughy, warm moral center. He gave more of himself to the cause than anyone else, with less benefit.
Just look at the moments before his ship blew up. It was having some kind of malfunction, and he had the opportunity to pull away. But the failure of this mission meant the end of the Rebellion, so he stayed.
While there are a lot of decisions and actions worth emulating in Star Wars, Porkins is the true expression of the viability of our decisions and actions to do what’s right. He is an everyman in every sense. Just a big man with an even bigger heart.
Porkins is the best. Be like Porkins.
(seriously, sound off below, let’s share in this amazing lore together. Go fans! Go us!).
Leave a Reply