It is an interesting thing looking around at what one is thankful for each day and then decided which one should be put into written form each day for something like A Month of Thanksgiving. On some days, this can be a challenge. Others, it is clear as day. Today was one of those days. I was talking about a segment of fandom with DC, a long time Daps Magic team member who has written some incredible things through the years. We have some crossovers of what we are passionate about and some other things that we are completely different on.
Today while discussing a fandom, DC suddenly said, “Also- can I just say that I really appreciate that we can discuss these really complex and nuanced topics and even if we disagree it doesn’t turn into each of us trying to force the other to have the view.” This got me thinking about the importance of nuance and respect. We have been friends for coming up on two decades!
Through the years, DC has always been a good sounding board for me. I will throw ideas or concepts at her (as I do with several people on our team) that I’m thinking about. Often they are for the site. DC does such a great job of kindly having conversations about things we may not see eye to eye on. This has helped create a culture of kindness between us where we can discuss Marvel movies, Disney attractions, or even if Han shot first at length. And rather than it being “I’m right and you’re wrong so I’m going to convince you to come to my side,” it becomes an exploration of ideas, feelings, and themes so often. Because this is done in a kind and respectful way, I can say I almost always come away from a conversation having learned something new or had a new thought.
It is very easy in fandom to get stuck in the love it or hate it mentality. Unfortunately, this leads to a “if you’re not with me, then you’re my enemy” mentality. This leads to defensiveness and people closing themselves off generally. It also does not help build that relationship but instead damages it. People end up digging in on their ideas rather than exploring new ideas. In my experience, these nuanced conversations lead to new ideas that neither party had thought of before. That is when I usually end up geeking out even more! That is the fun part about movies, fandom, theme parks, and getting to geek out about these things with longtime friends and new friends (like the lady I met at Disneyland today!).
We live in an incredible era to be a fan of different types of geekdom. People can be Star Trek fans or Star Wars fans, Marvel fans of DC fans, Pixar fans or Dreamworks fans, Disney fans or Universal fans. With all of these fandoms it is so easy to think that my fandom must be the best and my opinions the right ones. One thing I’ve heard multiple times that I love is “Don’t yuck on someone else’s yum.” DC and I both have different things that we would consider our “yum,” that may not be as appealing to the other. However, we have nuanced discussions about them and have gone from what might be viewed at initially as a “yuck” to a, “I get why you love this.”
It is amazing how much more vibrant the world can be when we treat each other with kindness, decency, and respect. We can have nuanced conversations instead of arguments. We can build each other up instead of tear each other down. We can create a community of fans that celebrate what we love rather than sling mud at what we don’t. That’s the kind of community we strive for at Daps Magic and DC and so many other members of the team are shying examples of this.
While today’s A Month of Thanksgiving post is about how I’m thankful for nuance in conversation, it really is about the culture of kindness that set the foundation for these conversations to happen. It really is a gift that I’m thankful for.
What are you thankful for today? Join A Month of Thanksgiving today by sharing what you are grateful for in the comments below!
