0:04
We're out of here. Wind five hardworking
0:06
Skipper on the top. See you later.
0:11
Okay, everyone. It's time to roll the
0:12
windows down and cruise. My name is
0:16
Skipper Mikey. And for your safety, we
0:18
like to ask you all to please remain
0:20
seated. Keep your hands, arms, legs, and
0:22
feet inside the boat and supervise your
0:25
children. I'll have you know your
0:27
skipper is a master of the mystical
0:30
Well, friends, over here on the
0:31
starboard side, you may notice our first
0:33
sign of danger. I'll tell you, as soon
0:36
as I saw that sign, it opened up my
0:39
eyes. And I can see clearly now that the
0:41
rain is gone, but no worries, fam.
0:44
Danger is my middle name.
0:49
Okay, everyone. Now, over here on the
0:51
port side, you will see a pretty sweet
0:52
looking snake statue. And it looked like
0:54
a regular snake from up close, right?
1:01
Anyways, explorers, it's the experts at
1:03
the Jungle Navigation Company that tell
1:05
me that this river right here is
1:07
completely full of alligators, but the
1:09
honest is true. That's a croc. Yep. So
1:13
many crocodiles here. I like to call
1:14
this spot the croc pot. And thought I
1:17
saw a snake diggling off the back of the
1:19
boat, but I'm on the front, so I'm not
1:21
too concerned about you guys. Didn't
1:24
think so. All right, friends. But we
1:25
just made it through the Irwi River and
1:28
up ahead we have the sacred elephant
1:31
bathing pool. Yep. You'll be thankful to
1:33
hear that they all have their trunks on.
1:35
I know it's super awkward when they
1:37
joke, but it's even worse when I know.
1:40
Oh, here we have Bertha. Bera showered
1:43
too long, so she turned into an
1:45
elephant. On top of I don't have for the
1:47
obvious reason. I don't shower. Speaking
1:51
of showers, we got our buddies who were
1:53
here today. Friends, you might want to
1:55
cover your hair, cover your ears, and
1:56
cover your beard. Chuck, tuck, tuck.
1:58
Uhoh. Be shy. That happens sometimes.
2:02
All right. Do the gies. Whoa. Here comes
2:05
the boom. Ready or not, doesn't sound
2:08
like you guys are too far away. Over
2:10
here, we have the beasty boys. What's
2:18
All right, my friends. So, the big boy
2:19
on the box right there is Bando. And
2:23
the child. That's right, my friends. And
2:25
if we're looking for the Congo River,
2:31
Uh-oh. I see another gorilla here. Huh.
2:35
Wonder if you can take out a man. And
2:37
what's he reaching for? Oh, it's
2:41
bananas. That's right. B.
2:45
Thank you, C. Anybody want to go left?
2:46
Let's watch right. Let's not say we did.
2:51
You know, honestly, fam, I learned the
2:53
hard way. Don't go chasing waterfalls.
2:56
Yep. I know it looks sublime, but it was
2:59
the wrong way. All right, friends. Well,
3:01
we did just enter the Nile River. If you
3:04
don't believe that, you are in
3:08
the hand. Here we have African
3:14
friends. These African elephants can eat
3:16
up to 400 lb of food a day.
3:24
But I could eat up to 600 right before
3:26
bed. All right, explorers. If you
3:28
haven't looked through the bushes over
3:29
here on the port side, ever
3:32
you won't see anything at all. Just
3:34
heads up. All right. Well, we just made
3:36
we just made it to the beautiful African
3:38
belts up ahead. You'll see some striped
3:40
horses, unicorns, and two horns. And
3:43
does anybody know what the tall ones are
3:45
in the back? Those are actually
3:49
giraffes, too, though. Good call.
3:52
Anyways, friends, over here you'll see
3:54
Skipper Felix. You know, I sent Skipper
3:56
Felix over here earlier to count the
3:57
stones and I bet he comes back and says
4:00
there's infinity stones out there.
4:02
Luckily for us, I'm not afraid of rhinos
4:05
and I'm actually not afraid.
4:12
Well friends, in case you were worried
4:13
about the lions escaping the jungle,
4:15
don't be. Because in the jungle, the
4:21
the lion sleeps tonight. Thank you, fam.
4:24
And thank you all for coming to the
4:25
world famous jungle cruise. We did just
4:28
make it to the hippo pool. I'm hoping we
4:33
Uh-oh. Looks like the hippos might
4:35
attack the boat, my friends. Hopefully
4:37
you're all here for the gun show. All I
4:39
bought is big guns today. Here we go.
4:43
All right, dump your ears, everybody.
4:49
Great shot, right? Hopefully that burns.
4:53
I'm kidding. I'm kidding. They're duds.
4:56
Just like my jokes. And see, my jokes
4:58
are duds. And it's all because this is
5:01
how we do it. Check out these guys. Just
5:04
like these in the trap. They're
5:06
definitely not like us. I'll tell you
5:08
what, any more accidents.
5:13
I don't know if you saw the plan with
5:14
all the teams, but don't be concerned.
5:16
I've seen Stranger Things.
5:20
Well, friends, over here on the left,
5:21
you're going to see Temp. I call them
5:23
the tall man. Taylor is normally on the
5:26
right. She's shy, but she's really swift
5:28
with her neck. Yep. And they're both so
5:31
cute. They give me butterflies, but
5:33
butterflies aren't what they used to be.
5:38
builders. I from the eighth corner of
5:40
the world, the back side of wateroo.
5:44
Thank you, Sam. I'm losing my voice.
5:47
Just find my head on the left here.
5:51
Now, my friends, I heard something
5:53
coming from this rock. It sounded like
5:54
here I am. Hope it doesn't rock you like
5:57
a hurricane. And we did just enter the
5:59
piranha pool. If anybody's got any gummy
6:01
worms, now would be a sweet time to hook
6:02
them up for being on the fish. And would
6:06
you look at that? There's a little cow
6:08
over there missing his bell. But
6:09
friends, no need to worry. I'm going to
6:11
tell the office I need more cowbell.
6:14
Well, friends, up ahead, we've got
6:16
Trader Sam's gift shop. They've got the
6:18
bare necessities, the simple,
6:23
bare necessities, and rock.
6:26
Is that a wagon wheel?
6:29
Oh, steering wheel. Never mind.
6:33
All right, my friends. Thanks for
6:35
hanging on tight. Tell you what, I was
6:36
planning on having three dates later.
6:38
And I know that sounds wild at first,
6:40
but three dates a day is really good for
6:44
All right, friends. Looks like we could
6:45
pull on ahead. Do me a favor. Say
6:46
goodbye to my jungle buds. We've got
6:48
monkey bunch of the monkey bunch. We've
6:51
said goodbye too many times before.
6:54
Okay, everyone. For your safety, I'd
6:57
like to ask you all to please remain
6:58
seated, keep your hands, arms, legs, and
7:00
feet inside the boat, and supervise your
7:03
children. and you had a magical
7:05
adventure today. My name is Skipper
7:06
Mikey. If you didn't, I'll still be
7:12
Hope it was a funny skip today. But in
7:20
You know, friends, I actually couldn't
7:22
wait to tell you all that I made it to
7:23
the gym today before I came to work.
7:25
That's right. I forgot I had an orange
7:27
in my pocket, but don't worry, fam.
7:29
Still crushed it. And of all things, had
7:32
a slice of cheese in the other pocket.
7:33
So, I finished my workout, right? I pull
7:35
this thing out and guess what? It was
7:41
Was actually leaving the gym and I was
7:42
looking for my car. Thought I got
7:44
jacked, but I find my car, right? I open
7:46
up my car door and it hits my arm. I
7:48
thought it was broken, but it was just
7:52
Turns out I ripped my t-shirt, too. Look
7:54
down at my abs and they were cut.
7:57
It's okay. I checked the stock report as
7:59
expected. Nothing but gains. ended up
8:02
getting egged by a bunch of kids on the
8:04
way to work, too. Was fully yolked after
8:09
Friends, get your elbows and arms inside
8:11
the boat for us. Thank you all for
8:13
coming to the jungle cruise.
8:15
You know, I had a delicious snack a
8:17
minute ago. It was spinach, tomato,
8:19
onions, grilled chicken, hummus on a
8:21
tortilla, and guess what, fam? That's a
8:24
wrap. Thanks for coming. Watch your Hey,
8:26
watch your step. Use the handles. If
8:28
you're on the jungle side, please go
8:30
around the engine. If you're wondering
8:32
how to say a river in French, I
